I was at dinner with friends in the center of a room. It was a cold place, there was snow in some places. But the tables were not steady, they would move as if on a ship's deck rolling with the movement of waves. I saw him at another table - a ghost from my past, G. One of the friends with me knew our history. She pointed out him to me. I just shrugged and looked down. 'It was in the past', I said.
Suddenly we were at the corner table with few of my other old friends - a blast from the past. One of them was sick. But he was treating us all. Everyone had ordered something. I had come in late. I didnt get a chance to order. He told me to go order something for myself. I told him, once the crowd disbursed from the food counter I would. It was as if the restaurant setting had changed into a food court setting. I didnt see at that time, but he heard me.
A few minutes later, he was next to me with a few menu options and also something ordered as well - something that I liked to eat, once upon a time. I said thanks to him and also said, 'yeh karne ki zaroorat nahi thi'. He laughed and said, 'No issues. mujhe yaad hai mujhe pehle bhi tumhare liye ladke lana padta tha.' He was reminiscing the times past. I could recollect times when in crowds he would stand right behind me to avoid the throng of people who would have other wise barged into me. (This had never happened in real life actually.) I replied, 'woh tumhara farz tha' I meant 'not any more'. I looked down after that, didnt see his reaction. But I could feel his disappointment ringing around me. Everyone could. There was a pregnant pause after that. We spent some time, few days - can not recollect.
The journey was over. The day was bright and sunny. I got down on the port, off the restaurant - dunno. My friend was with me. I had a tear in the shirt on my back. My friend stood behind me and dragged me through the crowd to the nearest loo to change. I was laughing and carefree. It was a walled loo rising over my head but a little below my friend's. She could see the outside. I was changing my clothes when I heard him.
My friend too heard him and raised her head to look at him. 'Why are you here?' she asked. She pressed my head lower so that he could not peep inside. She was only protecting me. She had seen the hurt I had gone through because of him few years back. I was a shattered mess. He said, 'I am here for her.' 'She isn't here', she said and pressed my head further down. 'Mujhe uski khushboo se pata chal jata hai ki woh kahan hai, aur woh yahin hai.' It was as if the years passed were no more and I was the same young girl in love for the very first time. I woke up from my dream then.
P.S. I cried a lot during my shower time because of this dream. I do not need dreams of him so many years down the lane, especially when I hope I have moved on. And when I know he has moved on long back. But I do not know why I dreamt of this. Maybe yesterday's dinner with friends brought upon this. Maybe being in his city brought about this. But I would still not want the ghost from my past to hog my dreams and invade my waking life. Something that cannot be, has to be left undone...
